Posted by
AJH on Friday, May 30, 2008 6:08:12 PM
Today I sit in a study room at the Chemeketa Library pondering what I should be doing with my life. I am debating whether or not I should go to China, perhaps Tibet if I can get permission and a job teaching English there, or somewhere in Europe. I have been considering studying at the University of Southampton in England and the University of Gothenburg in Sweden, among other places scattered throughout the continent. Areas of interest to me are all northern. I don't have much kinship with southern Europe, although I am confident that the people are friendly and certain localities beautiful.
My life has been at a mediocre standstill ever since I was formally cast out of Chemeketa. It was a shock to my system. That and my health scare, although much improved now, threw me into unexpected chaos and unknown. Ever since I have been unsure how to proceed. I have been on the hunt for a university, but continue to meet obstacles, particularly a hold on my transcripts at Portland State. This has hampered applications to places far and wide.
This spring I have been taking classes online via Oregon Coast Community College. They have been too easy for the likes of me. I have been slacking off in the best tradition of Animal House and Bart Simpson. And, yet, I stand a chance at a 4.0, or very close to it. I missed a few blog postings for my American Government course and this may bump down to a B.
It is remarkable to me that a few large mistakes on my part have so affected my life. PSU has a stranglehold on my academic future. As of today there is no way I can repay financial aid that has been retroactively denied. It is amazing to me that a school can do this to people. Sure, I should have been more responsible and I do owe the money. I am in so much debt — to hospitals, colleges and a host of others — that I doubt I will ever emerge from it on my own, though I am not pleading to anyone for money or help in any way. It is my problem.
My apartment in Salem is cluttered and messy as usual, but I am embarking on a plan to “reduce, reuse and recycle” as they say. When it comes to materialism and consumerism I am one of the worst offenders. Sadly I plead guilty. I wish things were different in America. As someone in my sociology class noted, the United States is definitely a “throw away” society.
I so enjoy writing, which I used to find a serious laborious effort, that it looks as if it will be my career, or at least a very major part of it and my life. What I would really like to do is write books, but I don't have the time to devote to it fulltime. It is time for me to move on, but where? And how? It seems I have more questions than answers.